so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
