I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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