First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this just has baby written all over it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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