she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
