dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
