this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
