i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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