You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
