Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
