go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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