the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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