just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
