Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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