I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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