do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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