Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
