Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
