he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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