dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
