3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
