Welp...herpes.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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