I skipped work to stalk him.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
