i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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