Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize