why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
