Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
