Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
