I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it was like eating out sand paper
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize