i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
