We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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