I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she peed on how many people?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
