we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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