Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
