You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
