i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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