Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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