can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
