piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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