5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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