we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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