it was like eating out sand paper
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
