I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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