if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
