My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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