i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
In America we eat man semen.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
