i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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