A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
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