You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
