We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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