You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
