11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
