okay pat passed out under dana's car
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
