just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
