Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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