No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
