I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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