You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
high people should be assigned attendants
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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