The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
