the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
