Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
