Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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