Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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