sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
