also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
