dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
