And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
