Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize