Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
