I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I skipped work to stalk him.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
