Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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