tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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