Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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