how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
