Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
