I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
