Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
