I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
