I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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