I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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