dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
