You're completely useless in the revolution.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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