A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
