I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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