if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
