I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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