Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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