I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
