She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
