I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
