oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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